


Body

by yaekkunsenpai



Series: Ephemeral (Short Fics) [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Eisoptrophobia, M/M, Self-Hatred, Tendou Satori-centric, Ushijima Wakatoshi Being A Sweatheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28963680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaekkunsenpai/pseuds/yaekkunsenpai
Summary: Tendou could never bring himself to look in the mirror or reflections, he hated what was in them.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Ephemeral (Short Fics) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120409
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	Body

**Author's Note:**

> As it says in the tags, there will be descriptions of body dysphoria and self-hatred, if you are sensitive to that please don't read.
> 
> Anyway, i'm getting to another point in my life where i can't look in my reflection for long, nor do i have any pictures of myself in my photo gallery, so i wrote this to try and lessen my negative feelings.

Satori avoided mirrors and his reflections, he was fine seeing it, it's just, sometimes, he hated what was there. There were days he could look in the mirror, you know, to wash his face, brush his teeth, whatever. But, he couldn’t bring himself to look himself in the eyes, it was too scary. He often thought that if he looked himself in the mirror for long, it would distort into a monster, a very scary, disturbing monster.

Satori doesn’t have any pictures of himself in his gallery, none at all, they were just photos of characters from different anime, maybe his friends, but none of himself. Everytime Satori did take a picture of himself, it was often deleted after a single glance. In the reflections in the water or reflective surfaces, Satori didn’t look for long either. Maybe he’d look just to fix his hair, or maybe he thought it’d be okay _just_ to look, it never was.

When Satori would take a shower, the mirror was right in front of where he’d get in. Which would result in him standing there, looking at his body, _not_ his face, criticizing it, finding every little flaw, every imperfection. Satori’s chest would feel heavy and he would feel uncomfortable in his body, that feeling was very unpleasant, he hated it, it made him feel...unwelcome.

Of course, he’d always compare himself to the others in school. He’d think about how strong Wakatoshi is, how pretty Semi is, how the girl in front of him has soft, beautiful hair, how _perfect_ everyone else was. 

So much so, he could never buy clothes that were _his_ size, he’d always buy them one or more sizes bigger, just so he didn’t have to see his body and all its imperfections. Sometimes it struck him while he was doing nothing, nowhere near a mirror, or a reflection. He could just be sitting there and one _wrong_ look could ruin his whole day.

One day, in the dorms, Wakatoshi sat beside him, they were watching some anime on Satori’s laptop. _That_ was normal, what had shocked him, was that the other called him cute. Satori sat in silence, that feeling creeping up again, his thoughts telling him that the other was lying and just being nice. He laughed it off, focusing his attention back on the anime, ignoring the look the other gave him. That feeling was staying, it wasn’t going away, Satori tried to focus his mind on the anime instead of that blatant lie.

Wakatoshi lightly put his hand on Satori’s shoulder, telling him again. Satori simply smiled at him and turned back to his laptop. Wakatoshi stared at him for the longest time.

“ _Satori, I think you’re beautiful, and a wonderful person, Why wouldn’t you think that?”_ Wakatoshi turned his head to look at him, they stared into each other’s eyes as Satori tried not to cry. Wakatoshi pulled him in for a hug, “ _I like you, Satori.”_

It was then, Satori let everything out, grabbing at the back of Wakatoshi’s shirt, and cried. It didn’t solve his problems, it didn’t make the feeling go away...but what mattered most to him, was that those words came out of Wakatoshi’s mouth, making Satori feel warm and safe.

Wakatoshi held him as he cried, the anime long forgotten, and they sat for uncountable minutes, holding each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish my Wakatoshi would hurry and come into my life ( ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥)
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
